Thursday 13

13 Things I Still Need to Do to Get Ready for Xmas

1. Make sure I have the ingredients to make gingerbread men.
2. Buy soda for family party on Sunday, 12/16.
3. Find book I plan to give to niece and finish wrapping her gift.
4. Wrap stuff to help out Santa.
5. Buy gifts for DH.
6. Clean living room.
7. Clean kitchen.
8. Put stuff in proper places.
9. Hook up new computer.
10. Organize ebay and half.com stuff in computer room (probably will wait until after the holidaze).
11. Find gifts for two white elephant gift games.
12. Finish Journal #72
13. Read library books I've had checked out since spring and keep renewing.

Xmas Survey

Survey About Christmas Habits

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? wrapping paper (bags
for bottles etc)

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial

3. When do you put up the tree? Normally right after Thanksgiving, or first week of December

4. When do you take the tree down? After the new year

5. Do you like eggnog? never had it


6. Favorite gift received as a child? Bruce Springsteen, Live 75-85 boxed set

7. Do you have a nativity scene? yes, but we didn't set it up this year

8. Hardest person to buy for? My nephew

9. Easiest person to buy for? my DD

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My grandmother once sent us these horrible western-style shirts that were in style at the time (late 1980s). Let's just say they didn't fit and were the ugliest things I'd ever seen.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail by far

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? "A Christmas Story"

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Yes, and going to again this year, too.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? deviled eggs

16. White lights or colored on the tree? colored, and preferably twinkling

17. Favorite Christmas song? Merry Christmas Baby, Santa Claus is Coming to Town

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? stay HOME

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Santa!

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Family
on X-mas Eve and santa's on X-mas morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? crowded stores and the constant commercials to buy MORE MORE MORE

23. What I love most about Christmas day? DD's face when she opens her gifts from Santa

Alphabetical Thankful List

A: animals, my pets
B: my DH, whose name begins with B

C: citalopram
D: dogs, who make me laugh
E: energy, to clean off my desk
F: family and friends
G: girly stuff, like dolls and makeup
H: health, we are all healthy
I: imagination!
J: my DD, whose name begins with J
K: kitchen, because when I clean, I feel better
L: love, without it, I am nothing
M: mess, because when I clean I feel like I've accomplished something
N: noise, because I learn to appreciate silence
O: online, because that seems to be the only way I can communicate these days
P: pools, for being able to go swimming this summer
Q: queen, because I am queen of my domain ;)
R: riding bikes
S: strength, to never quit
T: time, because there is enough to do all the things I want to do
U: unconditional love
V: variety
W: wellness, if not wholeness
X: eXtravagance
Y: yellow, because it is bright and sunny
Z: zero wants or needs

Tempis Fugit

What a way to start November: unmotivated, with a cold, and DH having to have surgery to remove his gallbladder next week. Sigh. Oh, wait: is it really November already!? Hard to believe, isn’t it?

At least I have the majority of my Xmas shopping done. I’m not going overboard like last year. DD is getting one big present and some smaller presents and that is it. No guilt from Walmart ads on tv or elsewhere to tell me I don’t love my family enough without buying this, that, or the other. DH & I agreed not to go overboard on one another, either.

I hate being sick with a cold. DD had a cold a couple of weeks ago; actually, it was more like the flu. Then DH got a cold after we took him to the ER last Monday for his gallbladder. He has stones the size of marbles inside. So it will be removed Nov. 7. When it rains, it pours.

Let’s see. Five gratitudes for today:

1. Going to see “The Bee Movie” this weekend with DD.
2. trick-or-treating last night with DD as Snow White
3. self-help books like “What Happy People Know” and “What Happy Women Know,” both by Dan Baker
4. cuddling with the dog
5. my dolls
6. and a bonus: how could I forget: starting Nanowrimo and actually making the word count goal, and also making this blog entry.

I’m so interesting, aren’t I?

If you like to shop on Ebay, check out my items. I have a few art glass pieces and have more stuff to add at some point in time. If you want to get some cheap books, check out my stuff on half.com.

I did hardly any preparing for Nanowrimo this year. I just felt so totally unmotivated. Last year, I wrote every day in October to prepare, starting out at 25 words and adding 25 each day, but this year, ALL writing seems to have fallen by the wayside. I have no excuse, other than sheer laziness. Somehow my paper journal no longer interested me, so I kind of quit journaling in there. Maybe the Creative Well needed to be refilled.

I almost didn’t sit down tonight to write for Nano, either. I am so exhausted from this cold. But I knew that if I didn’t TRY to sit down and write tonight, even without much of a story idea, I wouldn’t write for Nano at all this year, and I don’t want to give up that easily—before I even started! One of my goals for this year’s Nano is to complete it without being on the Emotional Express. It seems that I can only complete Nano if I’m in depths of despair. This year, I am not in the depths of despair, so I want to tough it out with sheer dogged determinedness rather than using it to escape my emotions.

Ugh. I keep obsessively checking my word count. In MS Word, I have written only six pages. SIX! Yet, 1667 seems to be a somewhat insurmountable goal—or at least it did earlier, when I had only managed to type out 200+ words. But I know I can do it. I won Nano in 2004 and again in 2006, and I know I can win this year, too. I just have to put my mind to it and make it a priority.

I have to concentrate on my STRENGTHS and not my weaknesses. I have to appreciate each moment and live in each moment instead of in the past or in the future. And I guess this is it for tonight because the dog is whining to go out! More tomorrow.

It's that time of year again

Nanowrimo time! Go join the hysteria.

I have not much to say as to where I've been for the past several months. Is it really October? And is it really MID-October?

My last remaining grandparent, my mother's mother, passed away on August 12. That required a quick trip to Florida and back.

My youngest sister got married on Sept. 29. Thank the gods that's done and over with.

DD has been sick all this week with some kind of flu.

Nano starts in three weeks and I have no clue what I'm going to write about yet.

I've started to sell things on Ebay, and have started collecting Himstedt dolls.

Miscellaneous Links

Blogathon starts on July 28.

Shelfari: a fun place to list books you've read.

Bookmooch: a fun place to trade books with others.

Enjoy!

10 Auction Tips

Since we've been going to local auctions just about every weekend, I've learned a few things.

1. 1. Get to the auction site early to see if there is anything worth staying for. Auction sale bills tend to talk a great talk, but you might discover that everything advertised is just junk. However, that brings me to another point:
2. 2. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
   
   3. You might be surprised by what you find, so take your time and carefully examine items you are interested in.
   
   4. A lot of times, there may be no rhyme or reason the way things are grouped together, so if you find something that goes with something else, don't hesitate to move it to the correct location. For instance, this weekend, I saw a "Tarot of the Spirit" book without its cards, but then found its cards on another wagon, so I put the cards with the book. Another time, I was looking through a stack of sheet music and found the instruction manual for the Clavinova (a type of electric piano) that was to be auctioned, so I put the manual with the piano. Usually, the auction workers and/or family members do not have a problem with moving stuff around like this. (Of course, there are some bidders who will move stuff to be with other stuff just so they think they can get a better deal on whatever it is, without the auctioneer noticing.)
   
   5. Make sure you know what items cost new. For example, at a recent auction DH attended, people were buying up tools like crazy, spending way more than what they were worth new. Some of the tools were still new in packages! He also overheard a family member saying that a particular set of wrenches (new in package) cost $10 at Rural King last year, but they went on to sell at the auction for $50! In my opinion, if you can get something new for the same or cheaper price, it's not worth buying at an auction.
   
   6. Don't get into a bidding war. There will always be another auction.
   
   7. As far as "antiques" or collectibles are concerned, buy what you like and/or enjoy. Sometimes you might get lucky and get a valuable item, but more than likely, you will end up with something that is only valuable to you. That's perfectly all right.
   
   8. Decide on your auction budget ahead of time, and don't go over it. Keep track of what you buy on your bid card so there are no surprises when you go to pay at the end of the auction.
   
   9. Take a buddy. It's easier to carry stuff back and forth to your vehicle if you have your spouse or a friend along. Some auctions may have more than one bid ring going, so your buddy may need to get a bid number also.
   
   10. Enjoy yourself. Drink plenty of water, especially if the auction is outside in hot weather. Wear a hat. Stand in the shade if you can.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to me!
I'm 35 today. Where does the time go?

Happy Mothers' Day

Happy Mothers' Day to all you mothers out there, past, present and future!
I hope you all had a great day. DH and DD got me my favorite candies and we had a cookout with DH's parents at a park near their house. The weather was so great, and it was nice to be outside.

Alas, my allergies flared up in the evening. I could hardly breathe! We spent the evening watching Food Network. Being outdoors wore us out, though. I was so tired when we got home. I almost lay down to take a nap, but it was 5pm when we got home and that was too late to be taking a nap. LOL

Thursday Thirteen #19

Thirteen TV shows I'm watching lately "Lost"--getting more and more intriguing! "Stargate Atlantis"--although this show is sometimes boring, I still enjoy watching it. "Stargate SG1"--I was there in the beginning, so I decided to be there at the end. "Dresden Files"--It's over for the moment, but it was a great filler on Sci-Fi. (Based on books by Jim Butcher, it made me want to go buy all the books!) "Painkiller Jane"--the plot needs to pick up if I'm going to continue to watch it. "The Tudors"--interesting series on Showtime about King Henry VIII of England "BSG"--on DVD since "Battlestar Galactica" isn't going to return until Jan. 2008! "Drive"--although I thought this series was going to be a cheesy ripoff of "Cannonball Run," it turned out to be quite different--Cannonball Run meets Lost. I am annoyed that Fox canceled the series without giving it a chance, but at least the additional episodes will be shown on July 4th. "Flip this House"--a series on A&E about house flippers, this show makes me want to remodel my entire house. I like to see what people do with the houses on the show. "Mythbusters"--makes me like science! "Robin Hood"--on BBCAmerica, a new take on the character of Robin Hood. It's fun to watch on a Sunday night at 6pm, when nothing much else is on. "American Chopper"--the OCC guys make me laugh "Dirty Jobs"--I cannot believe Mike Rowe used to be an opera singer.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Book Review: "Fat Girl"

"Fat Girl" by Judith Moore is a memoir—about the pain of growing up fat during the 1940s and 1950s. At 208 pages, it is a quick read.
The narrator says she was thin until her parents divorced when she was four years old. Through several chapters, the reader learns of the narrator's constant abuse at the hands of her mother and maternal grandmother. She turns to food for comfort, which spirals into a cycle of yo-yo dieting throughout the rest of her life.

There are a few people in her life who treat her with respect, but deep down, the narrator feels ashamed of herself for being unable to lose the excess weight and keep it off.

The descriptions of food are wonderful; food porn, I would call it. This book may be triggering for some people, as the author does describe details of an abusive childhood, and also a molestation encounter.

I highly recommend this book!

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Other People's Stuff

So, in my last entry, I was bemoaning the fact that the house felt like a cluttered mess. DH did get things cleaned up, with DD's help. They straightened up the computer room and her bedroom, which really weren't all that messy. The thought of the mess was more overwhelming than the actual mess. However, guess what we've been doing lately...



That's right: going to auctions and buying other people's stuff.

Actually we've gone to four auctions in the past two weekends, partly just to get out of the house, but we also ended up with two great finds. The first was a library desk for only $175, which probably cost three times that orignally. I couldn't believe I won the item. The second piece was a lighted, mirrored curio cabinet for $70. It stands about 8 feet tall. Again. I couldn't believe I won the item. I didn't need the desk—I already have an antique rolltop desk that had been my grandfather's—but it was in too good of condition to pass up. If it had been more expensive than what I paid, I wouldn't have continued to bid on it. Same way with the cabinet. But I have a use for the cabinet. I can house many of my Fenton glass baskets and candy dishes in it. We were talking of buying a new one, but this one is probably much nicer than any we could have afforded to buy brand-new.

In other news, DH's grandfather passed away in mid-April. I haven't felt much like blogging or writing or anything else lately. It was expected; he had been sick with emphysema for years. All the same, losing a family member is difficult. It's been stressful to say the least.

This weekend, we will probably be going to another auction, just to get out of the house. I like to look through other people's belongings to see what kind of person they were/are. Both sales we attended this past weekend were moving sales, and one last week was also. The other one was a storage facility cleaning out non-paying people's stuff. We got a futon and a small, one-man kayak. :)

Also last week, we finally bought the lavender paint for DD's room. We found some cute Tinkerbell stick-on border and cutouts at Wal-Mart to add to the room once we're finished painting. It will be adorable. It was definitely time for the Noah's Ark theme to go.

We still have more spring-cleaning to do. The garage needs to be organized. The house is somewhat of a mess since I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. Although I would like to live a minimalist life, it seems that I can't help but acquire more stuff. What can I say except I like the thrill of the hunt!

Looking for a good inspirational book to read? Check out Sue Monk Kidd's collection of essays titled "Firstlight." It is an awesome book, and not just for Xtians. A person of any faith would enjoy reading it. And if you're in the mood for a classic novel, read Theodore Dreiser's "Sister Carrie." It tells the story of a small-town woman who becomes a stage actress in the 1890s. She becomes a "kept" woman, almost accidentally, who eventually learns how to make it on her own.

Spring Cleaning

The mere amount of junk we have collected in a matter of the 8 years we have lived in our house is astonishing. (Of course, I had cluttered a two-bedroom apartment in a year, so why should I be surprised, right?)DD starts her spring break this Friday, and I told her that if she (along with our help) can get her room cleaned up and is able to keep it clean for one month, then we will redecorate her room. By "keep it clean," I mean for her to put her toys away when she's done playing with them. She is excited about the prospect, because it means that she can have a princess bedroom instead of a Noah's Ark bedroom (that was the baby theme).

But, I'm sure that she feels overwhelmed when she looks in her room because there is a tiny path from the doorway to the bed. I guess we should donate the toddler bed since she is in a full-size bed now, and her play tent should be taken down because she never plays in it. It's not as if we don't have places to put her toys. She has two big plastic tubs for toys, and several large boxes, and even a bookshelf for books, but things still end up scattered everywhere.

The clutter makes me crazy--so crazy that just thinking about it makes me frustrated. I am not a neat freak by any means, but everything has a place and everything in its place is all I ask. If you get it out, put it away!

Even with all these toys, she still tells me she has nothing to do. Yeah, right.

And let's not forget the whining that comes along with being asked to do a task. I guess I'm raising a procrastinator like myself. When I was growing up, my sisters and I were badgered into cleaning every weekend. I kept my room clean; that was expected, but it was all the other cleaning that I hated: wash the walls, dust the knickknacks, clean out the dishwasher, etc. etc. I hate chores to this day. But, rationally, I know that if I don't keep things clean, then the messes start to grow and grow AND GROW, to a tipping point.

And they're at that tipping point now. So, since DH understands how overwhelming the idea of cleaning is to me, he offered to help DD work on her room and also the other rooms of the house her stuff has overtaken. My main goal is to get her toys pared down to a manageable level, clear out her outgrown clothes, and have her keep her stuff in her room instead of all over the house. I think these goals should be do-able. Once it is clean, I plan to implement Flylady's methods so that good habits can be reinforced.

I myself am bad at doing things now. I put things off until I can't stand it anymore, which is a silly way to live. You never get anything done that way. Things sit and fester, which eventually get you to a point where your once-wonderful dream home feels like a prison. I've been reading a book called "Self-Coaching," in which the author speaks of each of us having choices. Strangely, I never though of life that way before.

Everything is a choice: I can put things off until I am upset and crazy, or I can do things now and then don't have to worry about them any longer. I can browbeat myself into the Well of Self-Pity or I can choose to think that this too, shall pass.

Anyway, it was a liberating idea.

Not only am I attempting to spring-clean the external, I am working on spring-cleaning the internal. This winter has been long for me. I charted 50+ days in January and February, and of those days, only I felt "ok" for only 20 of them, and it was a "blah" kind of ok. March has been better. I attempted some different ways of thinking: if I caught myself starting to listen to the endless "grass is greener" monologue, I immediately got up and did something or thought about something else instead. (Here is an excerpt from Barbara Ehrenreich's book on how the population has always struggled with depression. via metafilter)

Habits can be changed.



(I've been adding some stuff to this blog, like Amazon textlinks. Amazon tries to decipher keywords and phrases on the blog and then adds in the appropriate textlinks; however, some of them may be only tangentially related, and have no rhyme or reason.)

Update on Me

Where have I been these past several weeks, you ask?

Well, let's see, in late January, I decided to take the plunge and invest in a new car. It's a 2006 Ford Focus, in bright red. I love it, but I certainly didn't want yet another payment. However, my old car was dying. It was 15 years old, and I was expending more mental energy worrying about whether it would crap out on me or keep running.

In February, we were bombarded with snow around the 13th and 14th. Nothing to do but stay inside and cuddle up with a good book. --Except that one time, when the Boxer escaped from the yard, and I was running down the street in freezing ice and snow, wearing nothing more than sweatpants, a t-shirt, and houseslippers, screaming his name. Thankfully, he did not go very far, and I didn't have to run but half a block. I was totally in a panic. (DH still makes fun of me for panicking--but it was not a day fit for man or beast; that's what had me most upset.)

In March, I haven't been doing a whole lot of anything. I finally finished a wedding scrapbook for my cousin (his wedding was last September), after my mom said she heard through the grapevine that they were worried that it had gotten lost in the mail. I took DD to the local high school production of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" last weekend. She really enjoyed it, and it was something to do on a Saturday afternoon.

Thankfully, Spring is here. Goodbye, long Winter!

Revisited

I looked back through some previous paper journals of mine this weekend.

I don't recognize any of those selves who wrote those entries. I see that I mostly try, try again to start fresh, with a clean slate, but then fall directly into my tirades of self-pity and then proceed to jump back onto the Emotional Express. I must have three whole years' worth of the same same sameness.

Something's gotta give.

Wedding Planning

Bridesmaid (mocha brown, style 6323)

flowergirl (ivory dress with mocha brown trim, style 6139)

Guess how much they cost? --$150, each. Yep, DD's dress cost the same as mine. Good thing I don't have to pay it all up front.

My youngest sis is getting married in September. I can hardly wait.

When it rains, it pours...

Item: The house furnace went on the fritz during this latest cold spell. Can't live without heat, so paid HVAC technician $139 to fix the problem. So far, so good.

Item: Received warning ticket for not having muffler on my Mustang. (It does have a muffler; part of the pipe underneath had broken off--last year. It's illegal to not have a muffler, apparently.) Had to fix exhaust system for $176--this is like the 4th exhaust I've had on the darn thing.

Item: Something was wrong with DH's truck's right front tire. It needed an entirely new hub assembly--for $400.

Item: Mustang begins to lose RPMs and can barely go uphill. So, found a new (used) car for low payments and decided to trade in the Mustang. The Mustang is about 15 years old, and has 192,000+ miles on it.

Item: Got 4.5 inches of snow this week, and it's still quite cold.

And how has your past few weeks been?

Thursday 13—#18

Thirteen Things to do Indoors when the Weather Outside is Frightful curl up with a good book take a nap play with your pets watch tv while you're wrapped up in a blanket exercise bake some cookies get to that insurmountable stack of laundry that has begun to pile up drag out an old sampler (or other craft project) that you've been working on for a year or longer play indoor hide and seek with your kid(s) take a relaxing bath or shower call a friend write a friend a letter read some blogs

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Sticky: Changes are coming!

Please note that this blog may be undergoing some growing pains in the short term. Blogger sent me an invitation to migrate to the new Blogger, and I've went ahead and migrated.

I will probably be updating the blog template eventually as well, so please bear with me. I'm trying to catch up on posting; I have entries for all of December, but I have to get them posted. Old posts are boring, though, so I will be sure to have some new posts as well.

As always, thanks for reading, and be sure to leave a comment or two.

In case you missed it

One Town's Price

Thursday 13—#17

Thirteen Things to do to get ready for a birthday go to local party store and buy goodies for 19 goody bags go to grocery store and buy two cake mixes and two containers of icing go home change clothes, load up dishwasher so that I can have room to make cupcakes, let dogs out look for cupcake tin find cupcake tin, let in dogs mix up cupcakes and put one batch in the oven for 20 minutes divide up goodies for bags and start to make them up realize that there won't be enough stuff for all the bags, so COUNT items and divide them up evenly take first batch of cupcakes out of the oven and put in second batch finish making up goody bags take second batch out of oven to cool instruct DH on what he is to do today so that DD will have a pleasant surprise when she gets home from school; she turns 7 today. Time flies.

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Tuesday Ten

Ten Things that Make Me Smile

1. DD
2. the dogs
3. DH's work stories
4. finding time to write
5. finding time to meditate to relax
6. reading a funny e-greeting card from a friend
7. labeling blog entries instead of watching 4 hours of "Cops"
8. looking at some family pictures propped up on the keyboard as I type
9. reading several books over the weekend
10. recalling scenes from a couple of movies we watched over the weekend ("Talladega Nights" and "Beerfest")
    

Thursday 13—#16

Thirteen Things I've Been Doing Instead of Updating My Blog watching 3 to 4 hours of "Cops" every evening writing in my paper journal (#69, "Rebirth") catching up on my reading writing lists of things I want to do this year going to bed early playing with DD playing with the dogs watching football playoffs (yeah, don't ask) reading Metafilter and AskMetafilter watching tv doing laundry switching to the new Blogger and wondering if I will be able to update my blog template finding a million other things to do instead of get online :)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others' comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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10 Things

Ten Things Left Behind in 2006

1. personal angst
2. the Well of Self-Pity
3. guilt
4. anger
5. fear
6. self-disgust
7. unhappiness
8. dissatisfaction
9. bitter old hag
10. bitterness/jealousy of others
    

Ten Things Embraced in 2007

1. spirituality/spiritual journey
2. fearlessness
3. creativity
4. love of myself (self-love)
5. JOY!
6. faith
7. hope
8. destiny (!?)
9. mindfulness/living in the present
10. contentedness, but not complacency

Happy Birthday

Mag turned two today. We've had him for a little over a year. It was a struggle at first, to get him used to the routine around here. It had been so long since we had a puppy/young dog. Mag had never even seen stairs before.

I wondered if he and Husky would fight and end up not getting along, but after a bit of a "showing the mean teeth" by the Husky, Mag settled right in.

I wondered if he would have a good temperament. After all, he was living in a situation with two other dogs and a cat, so I hoped that he was well-socialized, but you never know. It was apparent in the first week or two that he was not so very smart (he's rather stubborn), but definitely loving and friendly.

Some people don't like Boxers. He is rather large to be an inside dog, and there have been messes to clean up. But he's not destructive, aggressive, or hyper-excitable. He doesn't seem to have any neuroses, and he's great with us and DD. We can do practically anything to him and he doesn't get mean.

We're lucky to have found such a great dog!

Musing on Life

Woke up feeling totally crappy today. Had a long day at work. Listened to my cassette tape of Bruce Springsteen's Greatest Hits album on the drive home, sang out loud, and started to feel better.

It was amazing how listening to my favorite artist made me feel so much better. I probably haven't listened to the Boss since 2003 or so. I used to sometimes play a CD when I was online, but the CD drive is jammed now, for some reason. As far as that tape is concerned, I probably haven't listened to it since around 2000. Yeah, that long ago. The tape is kind of warped, so it just sat in my car all this time. In fact, I was surprised that it still played at all, because it hasn't even been in its protective case.

As I listened to the music, I remembered all the words to all the songs. I was immediately transported back to all those nights I sat in my bedroom at home as a teenager, listening to the same songs over and over, believing that I'd be saved by a white knight in a muscle car.

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true? I've asked myself this question many times over the years. Dreams are not lies if they don't come true. Dreams evolve. Dreams change. People change, finding new priorities. Perhpas the narrator of that song, "The River," was unhappy that he got his girlfriend pregnant and had to get married, so he spent his life with the obligations of family holding him back. But, yet he still had those summers down at the river, when life seemed endless and perfect. Maybe he's living in those memories instead of counting his blessings. Maybe to his way of thinking--living in the past--his old dreams ARE lies because they didn't come true.

I also always wondered what happened to Mary and the narrator of "Thunder Road." She gets in the car and they drive off to find their place in the sun. But, where is that place? What do they do when they get there? Because wherever you go, there you are. So he's got wheels and the ability to leave the old life behind, but what kind of life replaces it?

I guess, at least in the song, it doesn't matter. The car is hope.

They have hope, together. Anything is possible.

Anything...

...I sometimes forget that.